Mission 1226 - a year-long songwriting challenge

I’ve already built you a mountain…

jonib1226 — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:31:39 +0000

I’ve already built you a mountain…

That’s what I heard a voice tell me this morning. I was sitting on the futon, immersed, grasping, pouring over highlighted passages in Steven Furtick’s ”SUN STAND STILL” book in search of a game-changer and talking to God in my head and heart, soaked to the bone with nagging feelings of guilt and worry and doubt which you could wring out of me and just about fill a bucket…. And then came this voice. Not thundering. More of a whisper.

I’ve already built you a mountain…

Have you read the book or seen the movie “EAT PRAY LOVE”? Very early on, Liz finds herself in desperate straits, kneeling on the cold tile of her bathroom and doing something she has really no idea how to do for it’s sort of a foreign concept for her — she’s praying. As she says: “You know .. like .. to God.”

In her desperation, Liz says “Tell me what to do. Tell me what to do .. and I’ll do it.”

And a voice — a whisper — comes to her:

“Go back to bed, Liz.”

Hold that thought…

It’s been a strange week — very much a roller coaster of a week. Well, roller coaster for me. I’ve been – I don’t know – out of sorts a bit. Highs came with working my color-coded index card-filled bulletin board for a new screenplay .. transferring notes into a detailed 20-page outline .. and typing the first few pages of the script — woot!! Highs came in meeting friends for Bible study time. In running into a friend at the grocery store, seeing her smiling face light up. Highs came in being able to do a simple favor for a friend. The lows? Well, suffice it to say I’ve had moments of being lonely, grumpy, fussy, restless, moments of ridiculing myself, feeling preposterous, and wanting to kick myself for not getting certain things done. There, that enough to set the stage?

So I wanted to “GO BIG” this morning in my Amen Corner. My daily devo didn’t quite cut it. (Sorry, Tony…) I wasn’t really feeling the journal, so didn’t even pull it off the shelf. Flipped around in the Bible .. couldn’t concentrate. My mind was going ninety miles an hour on another topic entirely — something which has been driving me bonkers for weeks on end. Giving me these fits of uncertainty and feelings of doubt and of not measuring up with my best. And I sooo badly want to offer up my best. But it’s been a struggle.

I peeked at my shelf and Steven Furtick’s book caught my eye. I grabbed it, opened it, flipped through, saw all sorts of red-ink underlining. Started to read. Felt my breath catch. Felt my heart start to race a little. Okay! This is what I’m talking about! My battery needed a jump .. and Steven delivered. If you’ve not read “SUN STAND STILL”, do. If you’re dealing with something that feels insurmountable at the moment — and I mean, whether we’re talking about something small like getting your house cleaned and all the laundry done .. or if you’re on deadline for a project .. or faced with a life-altering decision .. or trying to jumpstart your exercise and nutrition plan .. or you’ve got a job interview coming up .. or a job you’re trying to extract yourself from but can’t see a way out .. or your marathon is less than 15 weeks away… or money woes are keeping you up at night … or there’s something you’ve set your sights to do but fear and doubt are creeping in and blurring your vision so much you’re already thinking of bailing on a goal… whatever. Anything. Something. If any of this feels vaguely familiar and you want a booster shot to set you back on track, “SUN STAND STILL” is a worthy go-to.

The book’s title comes from the book of Joshua, chapter 10 most specifically.

Joshua 10 (NIV1984)
The Sun Stands Still

¹ Now Adoni-Zedek king of Jerusalem heard that Joshua had taken Ai and totally destroyed it, doing to Ai and its king as he had done to Jericho and its king, and that the people of Gibeon had made a treaty of peace with Israel and were living near them. ² He and his people were very much alarmed at this, because Gibeon was an important city, like one of the royal cities; it was larger than Ai, and all its men were good fighters. ³ So Adoni-Zedek king of Jerusalem appealed to Hoham king of Hebron, Piram king of Jarmuth, Japhia king of Lachish and Debir king of Eglon. ⁴“Come up and help me attack Gibeon,” he said, “because it has made peace with Joshua and the Israelites.”

⁵Then the five kings of the Amorites—the kings of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish and Eglon—joined forces. They moved up with all their troops and took up positions against Gibeon and attacked it.

⁶The Gibeonites then sent word to Joshua in the camp at Gilgal: “Do not abandon your servants. Come up to us quickly and save us! Help us, because all the Amorite kings from the hill country have joined forces against us.”

⁷ So Joshua marched up from Gilgal with his entire army, including all the best fighting men. ⁸The LORD said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”

⁹ After an all-night march from Gilgal, Joshua took them by surprise. ¹⁰ The LORD threw them into confusion before Israel, who defeated them in a great victory at Gibeon. Israel pursued them along the road going up to Beth Horon and cut them down all the way to Azekah and Makkedah. ¹¹As they fled before Israel on the road down from Beth Horon to Azekah, the LORD hurled large hailstones down on them from the sky, and more of them died from the hailstones than were killed by the swords of the Israelites.

¹²On the day the LORD gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel:

   “O sun, stand still over Gibeon,
   O moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”
¹³ So the sun stood still,
   and the moon stopped,
   till the nation avenged itself onits enemies,

   as it is written in the Book of Jashar.

   The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. ¹⁴There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the LORD listened to a man. Surely the LORD was fighting for Israel!

¹⁵ Then Joshua returned with all Israel to the camp at Gilgal.

As Steven Furtick explains in a chapter called “Push While You Pray”, there’s this wonderful detail sandwiched between the slices of fact. Verse 8 provides God’s promise to Joshua. In verse 12, Joshua prays an epic, sun-stopping prayer. And sandwiched between? Well, check out verse 9. “After an all-night march…”

Steven writes this:

If you’re going to pray for God to make the sun stand still, you’d better be ready to march all night. // If you’re going to have the audacity to ask God for something, you’d better be ready to act. Audacious prayers must be tethered to practical obedience. Or else it’s not faith. It’s just wishful thinking and positive mental energy. No wonder so many of our prayers aren’t answered. We pray for a miracle, but we fail to make a move. And most of the time, if you don’t move, God won’t move. That’s just the way he designed faith to work.

Your breath catching? Your heart racing a little? A gem, yes? A Hazzah moment? Here’s more from young Mr. Furtick:

Prayer is rarely all we can do. We can pray and we can prepare. We can ask God to intervene and we can initiate change in our lives to make it happen. We can ask the Lord to fight for us and we can pull out our swords and start fighting in his strength. // Push while you pray. // Audacious faith is not passive. Neither is audacious prayer. Every aspiration you have in prayer needs an accompanying action. Otherwise, you’re not really praying. You’re just pontificating. You do the natural. Trust God for the super. // Hope is a desire. Faith is a demonstration. Hope wants it to happen. Faith causes it to happen and acts as if it’s already done. Faith is not content to want it really, really bad. Faith consults the drawings and gets busy building. Hope is the blueprint. Faith is the contractor.

I’m practically shaking right now. I needed a good smack-down this morning — it’s why I went into the room, so to speak. Sometimes my little head gets so clogged, I can’t put thoughts together that make sense. I need that connectivity, that bridge, that chain link, that plug-in, that duct tape. I need the Big Guy to shake my shoulders, slap my back, pop me under the chin to lift my head up, nip at my heels to get me moving again … and to hold out his hand and remind me “I’m here for ya .. just grab on.” I need for him to be blunt, to challenge me with the truth of the matter — “I know you want to do your best .. but are you doing it?” Or this: “I’ll grant you everything you need — even making the sun stand still so you’ve got time — and I will see you through to victory. But .. are you willing to march all night? Because that’s the only way this is gonna work, my friend. Praying’s great. I’m listening. You pray, I promise. I have done and I will continue to do my part. But you need to do your part. So hey, get to marching!”

Seriously…

I went into my room this morning with several things on my mind. I have this book to finish for a filmmaker guy. I’ve been a bit stymied with it because I wasn’t sure if I was going in the direction he wanted. We made a connection yesterday and I now have a massive challenge in front of me. I don’t know as I’d go so far as to call it insurmountable, but it’s pretty big. So there’s that. I have a marathon to run at the end of April. Training is .. well, I need to pick it up, let’s just put it that way. I have this new screenplay I want to finish. It could be a game-changer. I cannot let the ball drop on it! I want to take songs to Nashville and there’s all manner of worry and financial constraint wrapped up in that little ball of wax. Oh, and I have somewhat this looming deadline out there somewhere smack dab in the midst of 2012 which says ‘earn my keep or hop back into a job’ — that’s enough to cause all kinds of restlessness, let me tell ya. And then there’s my BIG goal for the year — completing the Pike’s Peak Ascent half marathon … up the mountain. Um, yeah, so last weekend I found myself humbled by some relatively small hills! I got work to do. Oh, my goodness, do I have work to do.

So that’s that. My hit list. My mission. The source of roller coasters running through me on a weekly if not daily basis. I sat on the futon this morning and dumped this all out there.

And you know what I got? I got this voice, this whisper, this smile and wink that said:

“I’ve already built you a mountain…”

Wow. He’s so right. God is on top of all this, and he knows just how to push my buttons. In other words, everything on my list? On his list for me. He’s helped plant these notions, these dreams, these aspirations. I don’t have to understand the ‘why’ behind it all, I just have to trust this is true. He’s already in the thick of it all. He’s got my back, he’ll share elation and be jubilant with me on my High days .. and he’ll hang tough and prop me up on my Low ones. He’s a partner that ain’t bailing. Ever. But there’s a deal in place: I pray, He promises. He’ll do his part if I do my part. But I have to be willing to march all night. And not just willing, I actually have to do that work — I must march all night. I march, and then He and I get to celebrate together.

I have these amazing photos of people who’ve reached a summit and they’re thrusting elated hands in the air. I’d plop one right here in this post, but for whatever reason, WordPress isn’t allowing me. So .. kindly use your imagination.

Funny, I guess that’s sort of the point of all this — God reminding me I may not always be able to “see” it, whatever it happens to be at the moment. But if I imagine it, if I work toward it, if I do my part .. he’ll take care of the rest.

Thank you, Steven Furtick, for hopping off my bookshelf this morning! I close with one final excerpt from “SUN STAND STILL”:

God wants to do so much through you at such a rate and on such a scale that the watching world will know it can only be him.

Amen to that. Hey, let’s go find a mountain, shall we?

Chairman of the Board…

jonib1226 — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:04:22 +0000

Crazy-awesome-challenging-humbling-wonderful-difficult-joyous past several days!!

Where to begin… I’ll start with the first line of this morning’s devotional from Tony Dungy: “Our feelings of self-worth are shaped by the opinions and attitudes of others.” And the last few lines: “Regardless of how people have treated you or tried to define your worth, God stands ready to walk with you for the rest of your life. He will help you draw a line between your past and your future, and He will help you forgive and move into all the fullness and freedom of a brand-new day.”

What’s the word? Apropos… Oh, my goodness.

Now .. let me back up. Last week I participated in a back-and-forth cyber chat with a family friend from up home. The subject? Forgiveness. I’d been prompted by a devo .. but the devo didn’t quite fit my particular circumstance, for I didn’t feel like I was unwilling to forgive. Quite the opposite, in fact. And this friend challenged me to my core. Like .. challenged. His first line? “Anger is letting someone else live in your head rent free.”

Holy crap. Hadn’t even realized I was angry! Disappointed, let down, hurt — yes. Angry? Hmmm. But perhaps so. Okay, good to know. Very good to know. Then he tossed this tasty morsel on my plate: “Forgiveness is between you and God.” As in: not between you and someone else.

Stopped me in my tracks. Now believe me — I am jiggy with the concept of giving burdens over to God. Jiggy, jiggy, jiggy. Pain, fear, worry, doubt, hurt, sadness, anger — the list goes on and on and on. Jiggy. Forgiveness? Okay, I understand if I am sorry … if I am seeking forgiveness. Get that. But if I’m forgiving someone else? Doesn’t matter if they don’t even realize what they’ve inflicted. Doesn’t matter if they’re not apologizing. What if I allowed myself to be impacted and now I am forgiving them? I am to turn that over to God too? Let me tell ya — I had to spin that around in my noodle a long time, had to chew on it, had to scratch my chin and scrunch my forehead over this notion. And it took me a while to even decipher why I was so messed up about it, but finally I understood — it was in the explaining it to God part. How can I ask him to take on my forgiveness and what prompted it in the first place when I don’t understand it? When I can’t explain it because I don’t know?

See where I was? I was attempting to snare the almighty, the all-powerful, the all-knowing God into my human limitations! My lack of clarity. My need to know, my not knowing the why of a situation! Silly, silly, silly. Bless him for his patience. I’m sure I prompted some giggling by the Big Guy over this. I don’t need to know the ‘why’. Doesn’t matter. Reasons are on someone else, not me. All I have is the impact of actions .. or inactions, as the case may be. When I finally got that through my thick skull, when the light popped on, then it was easy —- take it, God. Take this pile of crap, these feelings, this hurt, this sadness, this disappointment I allowed myself to feel because of someone else, take the bitterness, the anger, take it all!! I forgive this person, I truly do. And I give that — my forgiveness — to you as well, for you to do with all of it as you please and see fit.

Wanna know how I felt after letting that one go? Well, heck, I’m not even sure I could pick just one word, but I can tell ya amazing was certainly one of them!

This was line in the sand stuff, baby! This was freeing. This was exhilarating. This was .. well, it was humbling too — to know I weakened myself by allowing another person’s actions to impact me soooo negatively .. but then so strengthened by giving all that — including my forgiveness — over the God. Wow.

And you know what hit me in the process? What I uncovered in all of this? I was reminded about ‘getting out of my own way’ and what happens when you do. I’ve not felt this free and unburdened in a long, long while. Now THIS is the way to start a new year!!

After that, my days went swimmingly!! Suddenly I had all this room, this space, this freedom in which to work, the power and energy and oomph and zest to immerse myself even more fully than I’d been immersing before. Crazy!!

You know that blue-striped composition book I’ve been talking about? Well, on Friday alone, I scribbled full about 35 pages in that thing! Stuff for that story, that screenplay, just poured out. I learned tons about my characters and about the story itself. I saw the world. I saw — nearly in its entirety — the entire opening of the movie, several key BIG scenes, and the ending. My ‘roadmap’, if you will, was spilling out onto the canvas of my insides and onto those pages. Let me tell you — for a writer, that sort of spilling encompasses some of the most exhilarating moments a writing life has to offer!

Over the weekend, I was “Chairman of the Board”. This is a brainstorming technique long used in some way, shape or form by many a writer. I give a nod in this case to a man by the name of Blake Snyder. He’s no longer with us, but he left us with much, including screenwriting books ”Save the Cat!” and “Save the Cat Goes to the Movies”.

You know me, I love visuals. So .. I took photos. Below is a trio of shots to give you a feel for how this process looked and evolved a bit this weekend.

Granted, there’s a long ways to go… but as I sat there on the sanctuary floor, propped up against the futon, index cards at the ready, flipping through my composition book and scribbling to my heart’s content, I was soooo happy. At one point Sunday morning, I called Patrick in from the next room. He took up a spot of floor beside me. Looked at the board. Marveled a bit. Saw my smile. Broke into a smile of his own.

I’m not sure I would’ve had the room, the capacity to ‘let it rip’ like I did on Friday and through this weekend if I hadn’t unloaded some of the crap I unloaded last week. I’m not sure I would’ve found my way to that sweetest of spots had I not asked God to help me, to free me up so I could work.

I found an oh-so-sweet spot playing “Chairman of the Board” .. but I know full well I wouldn’t have been able to do that were it not for giving over so much of myself to the BIG Chairman of the Board.

Got anything you need to be free of so you can work?

Do you feel the need to draw a line somewhere?

Need help getting out of your own way so you can find the way to your sweet spot?

Trust me: God’s there to help, he will help you forgive, he will walk with you for the rest of your life, he will help you move into the fullness and freedom of a brand-new day.

God has work for you to do — lots of it!

He wants you to let it rip, let it pour out. You ready to get started?

God is waiting for your call…

Rites of Passage…

jonib1226 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 15:40:59 +0000

I craved a cinnamon crunch bagel this morning. Badly. Not exactly among best choices for breakfast, but I think as much as that bagel, I wanted to hunker at Panera for a bit. So I went. Yes, I had a bagel. Shoot me. It was yummy.

I took along my blue-striped composition book and a book by Blake Snyder called “Save the Cat! Goes to the Movies”. I flipped to the chapter discussing the “Rites of Passage” genre and read it. Again. Scribbled a few notes. Early in the chapter, I nearly choked on my coffee from laughing. Mr. Snyder described this genre as a dude going through something, or — as he so eloquently put it — ‘sitting squarely in the time-out chair of life’. Wow. But that wasn’t the coffee-choker. No, that came next. Snyder provided a biblical reference: Job. Yes, Job, the dude whose story involved, as Snyder wrote, ’life problems he did not ask for .. but gets by the pantload.’

Problems by the pantload.

Wow, I am so glad that is not my life! Who wants problems by the pantload?

I read a Facebook post recently by a friend of mine — oh, my goodness, talk about stuck under a big gray cloud! We’re talking computer problems, and cable issues and repairmen in/out of her home and appliances busting and her car needing pricey repairs. Oh, and top all that with having to have her appendix out. Bleep, bleep — overload! Or my niece, whose email today informed me of this beautiful snow Spokane just received and two gorgeous days which would’ve been ideal for strapping on the snowshoes and trekking outside with her dogs .. were it not for her being laid up sick. By the time she’s well enough to venture out, impending rains would’ve come and made a mess of things .. and so much for that snowshoeing. But! With her beautiful way, she acknowledged that if that’s the extent of her problems, she’s a pretty lucky girl.

Um, yeah. Well put, my dear!

I put the Blake Snyder book away. Sat there and just started scribbling. Oh, my goodness — what a glorious feeling. I adore having a pen in my hand. I am exploring my characters in this story and learning tons about them and diving headlong into the work — albeit, the glorious, joyous, fun work — of brainstorming and creating this story. I’m creating a world and a road map through it .. and holy moly, is that a blast! Mr. Snyder laid out what might seem like a formidable challenge when he wrote this:

“The Rites of Passage script — if done smartly and with a fresh take — can be the greatest calling card a screenwriter has. But to pull off the story of a unique character suffering from life problems we all understand — executed with gobs of painful torment and a little humor thrown in for balance — is tough to accomplish.”

Gauntlet thrown!

As I scribbled on about my characters — by unlikely pair of friends — I began laughing yet again. For something chatted about just yesterday re-surfaced and fits like a glove into this story. All about ”a preferred life” — if you have a preferred life, what does that look like? Now … consider for a moment this is quite different when posing and answering the question as a human .. than as a non-human. We are built with free will and choice and the ability to dream and aspire and pursue. Sure, we may be faced with legacy or expectations or limitations, but we have a “say” in the matter of our life and our relationships and our passions and our vocations.

But what if you don’t? What if .. what if your course is set for you by the very nature of the life into which you are a born? Need an example? Okay, I don’t want to give away the farm, so to speak, so …….. okay, what if you are born [and kindly grant me leeway here, okay?] as a refrigerator? Very specific purpose, yes? Refrigerators have a particular vocation, an expectation for how they’ll spend their life. And they do this. They serve. For as long as their lifespan allows. Okay, sure — maybe a second life has them door-less and lying on their backs in a yard serving as flowerbeds .. but, for the most part, their destiny is set, yes? It would be out of the realm for a refrigerator to aspire to … wash dishes, for example, or cook food. Or to fly people to the moon, for a step deeper into the ludicrous.

This is where my story goes …. taking non-humans, giving them human-like qualities and doing battle with the question of ‘lot in life’ v. aspiration. Preferred life.

A friend shared this question yesterday, one posed to her recently: “What does your preferred life look like?” It’s a beautiful question, isn’t it? But not as beautiful nor as provocative as her accompanying one: “And what are you gonna do to get it?

Hello.

My characters are going to explore this. Now my story isn’t about a refrigerator desiring to fly people to the moon and nor is there a stove who talks sense into the fridge, but my pair of non-human-but-human-like friends will turn these questions loose on themselves.

Speaking of turning things loose … I need to vamoose and go turn some ink loose on the page. I have gobs of torment and pantloads of problems to dump onto my aspiring little non-human character. I have humor to find and dispel to balance things out. Me — funny? Hmmm…

Happy Weekend, ya’all. Be blessed .. and be a blessing.

any-weather friends…

jonib1226 — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:38:02 +0000

My cats threw me for a loop today. Usually it’s Olivia who is ever-present and first in line when I take up my spot on the futon for morning quiet time. Even though I know she’s coming, I’m usually ill-prepared, having to move Bibles and adjust pillows, re-position my journal and stretch out my legs. Today Johnny Boy was first in line. He’s seen Liv’s routine many times, and he followed suit .. sort of. Sat on the floor gazing [i.e. to give me some prep time], hopped up, didn’t spend near the kneading time, though, and then plopped and stretched out atop my legs. Oh, my goodness, he’s heavier than Livs!

Not sure how they determined the switch-up. Did Johnny seek permission? Did Olivia pass him in the hall and suggest perhaps he needed the Amen Corner a little more than her today? Well, I doubt that was it — when she arrived on the scene, she appeared disturbed her spot was taken. But she was cool – didn’t horn in, didn’t cause a fuss — and just obliged. Good kitty. Good friend…

I found myself thumbing through my blue-striped composition book again, which holds notes for a screenplay for an animated movie. [When I say animated, think Pixar -- you know, like CARS... Hey, shoot me -- I set my bars high!] I landed on this page:

These are the things — all this “lot in life” stuff — which are the underbelly of the story. On the surface, it’s about a pair of unlikely friends — including one very difficult one. But beneath, it’s about this stuff.

As I perused notes, I found myself thinking about preparation .. and opportunity .. and proving one’s self when opportunity arises. Immediately, a scene came to me. I flipped to an open page and scribbled furiously. The scene was so vivid in my head, I couldn’t believe it. Well, I could believe it .. but I was so tickled. Creating. Oh, how I love it so….

During my quick a.m. post-and-blog check, I found an interview of author Harlan Coben by THE HAPPINESS PROJECT author Gretchen Rubin. Gretchen asked him if he has a ‘happiness mantra’ he finds helpful. Mr. Coben shared two. First: “It’s all about balance.” You know — work, life, family, friends, play — balancing the stuff on your list is key. And then came the gem: “You bring your own weather to the picnic.” What’s he talking about?? Attitude. Attitude is everything.

Love this. What I really love is it connects back to earlier, when thinking about my story in the blue comp book and thinking about friendships. I scribbled these verses:

Proverbs 17:17(NIV1984)¹⁷ A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.

1 Corinthians 13:6-7(NIV1984)⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Proverbs 27:17(NIV1984)¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

My scribbles explore friendship, distinguishing between fair-weathered friends .. and those of the any-weather variety. Interestingly enough, weather plays a big role in the story. In one pivotal scene — when attitude and mettle are tested by weather — the unfolding of the scene provides understanding about what an any-weather friend will do for another .. even when perhaps the other maintains a poor attitude or doesn’t deserve it.

I can’t help but think [read: know...] that the verses above, Harlan Coben’s happiness mantra and oh, so many real-life friendship experiences will converge in this story. I don’t have it all sorted out but I know I’m having a whale of a good time exploring, brainstorming, scribbling, creating. Oh, a whale or two might make an appearance in this thing as well. Sorry — random thought.

Well, friends — my head is full and needing to get dumped on pages other than this, so I will bid you adieu in shorter order today. As you go about your day, take a moment to think about your friendships. And what sort of friend you are to others. I know this has been on my mind a lot. So I’m rolling the ball to you… Are you a fair-weather friend? Or more of the any-weather variety? What kind of attitude do you try to carry into every day? Or, as Harlan suggests, into every picnic? If it’s true you bring your own weather to the picnic, what kind is it? Can you run and play in the rain with a smile on your face? Can you make snow angels even if you’re cold to the bone? Can you bring sunshine to someone who needs it even on the cloudiest day?

If so — well, good on ya!! You’re an awesome role model for those fair-weathered folks!

If not, why not? What’s standing in your way? Wouldn’t you be a better friend if you could? If you made the effort? If you weathered a storm? Braced for the cold? Played in the rain?Took a chance on a blustery day and frolicked in a friendship anyway?

Hey — sun’s shining! Are you?

potter, take the wheel…

jonib1226 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:01:23 +0000

How many of you — upon reading this post’s title – immediately exchanged the name JESUS for ‘potter’ and started singing that amazing Carrie Underwood song? I say Carrie Underwood, for she brought it to life the way we know it, but that song was actually written by people whose names we don’t necessarily recognize — Brett James, Gordie Sampson and Hillary Lindsey.

There, your trivia for today…

Well, I did. I immediately went to that song! How cool would it be to one day write a song that became so familiar that a similar phrase plopped in an unlikely place would kickstart the brain into singing its lyrics? Dang… There’s a goal! I don’t care if anyone recognizes my name — but a song I wrote? Yeah, I admit — that’d be cool…

This morning’s UNCOMMON LIFE devo from Tony Dungy included this kick-ass finish:

“With God’s help — His power, encouragement, and energy flowing through our lives along with the gifts, abilities and talents He has given us — we can shape the future. Because He created us, we have the potential of living lives of significance, possibility and impact.”

[Tony, dude -- you're a rock star. I won't quote you every day, but I'm just so enthralled with your daily devotional, I want to share... ]

Tony’s devo today is about the power of self-realization, about positive thinking, about taking time to paint a picture in your mind of your life, based on your potential. What would you envision — in terms of accomplishments, achievements and your God-given significance, as Tony calls it. With this as the guide and measure: ‘within the values and dreams God has given you’. Because it comes from Him. All of it. Everything. Even the dreams we have — planted within us by Him. He wants us to chase them down, every last one of them. How amazingly cool is that?! So Tony pokes us to think about where you might want to go, what you want to be like. And he says to ‘expect good and pursue it’. Pursuing good? Now there’s a chase I don’t mind taking up.

As I thought about potential, winding my way through study Bible notes, my eyes went a bit further down the page in the concordance, landing on the word POTTER. One thing led to another and soon, I’d scribbled these three verses in my journal:

Isaiah 64:8 (NIV1984)⁸ Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
   We are the clay, you are the potter;
   we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 29:16 (NIV1984)
¹⁶ You turn things upside down,
   as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,
   “He did not make me”?
Can the pot say of the potter,
   “He knows nothing”?

2 Corinthians 4:7-9(NIV1984)⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Let yourself meditate on these a bit. Let them snuggle in and stay a while. First thought that pops into my head is that, much like the dog who’d be dumb to bite the hand that feeds, I’d be dumb to bite the hand that forms. Oh, not that I don’t nip at the Big Guy’s ankles sometimes when I’m in a tizzy about something. I do. I’m human. Fallible. Like those jars of clay… But I know from whence I came. I get it — I have this miraculous Maker – this incredible Potter — who controls whether my little ol’ lump of clay becomes this or that. He gives me Purpose. He provides me Opportunity. He offers me Direction. He implants Dreams and Aspirations. He gives me Shape and Definition. And yes, He has the ability to pour water on me, pound me back down and start over again in shaping me to his liking. My Potter makes me Beautiful, if only in His eyes. It isn’t about how big or how ornate or how refined the pot — it’ll never be about that. We’re jars of clay, baby — not the prettiest things in the world, but here for our work, whatever work God has given us — and the sooner we understand it’s about the CONTENTS, the better off we’ll be. The contents? Well, yeah — God’s power dwelling in us. My study bible uses the phrase “power source” and I kinda like that. And as a jar of clay with tiny cracks allowing light to come through, our responsiblity here on earth is to allow others to see God through us. When I hold that notion up and align it with the meaning of POTENTIAL, I am blown away. It reminds me how we — each of us – have everything we need. Already. It’s in us. Gifts, abilities, talents. They’re all there. Carefully placed. To live up to this potential, our action is required. What are you doing with yours, your potential? Are you thinking positive? Are you expecting good? Are you pursuing it? I know when I ask myself these questions, I shudder a bit. And am inspired to get a move-on at the same time!!

I’ve been carrying around a pair of composition books for the last few days. One is a new one in which I’ve started to scribble notes for a play. Yeah, I know: a play?!? Well, just go with it — when inspiration strikes, don’t cram it down in a box, let it loose. That’s where my composition books come in. They’re everywhere. I make sure to maintain a supply of fresh, blank ones (I buy them cheap during Fall school supplies time!) for when just such an inspired occasion arises. The other one I’m keeping at arm’s length is one I began scribbling notes in back in (hang on while I peek….) August 2008. I can’t divulge much but I will tell you this — it’s for a screenplay which will be the first one I complete which is of the ‘animated’ variety.

I’ve been reviewing notes therein and, dare I say, marveling a bit. This morning came an occasion of awesome timing, one of those winks from the Big Guy I love. Recently I was thrown for a rather saddened loop — one which had me shaking my head over someone’s use of power, how they chose to wield their power and influence. And this morning, I found a page in my composition book on which I’d scribbled about “role models”. Here’s an excerpt from that page:

-there are role models who nurture and encourage and teach
-and there are swindlers — those who say what you want to hear because they want you to follow and listen to them, but they’re not “invested” in you or your outcome
-there are those who are negative and discouraging — who squash potential, steer you clear of your dreams/goals/aspirations — why? Fear you’ll succeed? Or fear they won’t…
Shouldn’t parents and role models always want more for you than they found/had for themselves?
What is more powerful/impactful — a positive experience that steers you toward something? Or a negative one that steers you away from something? Which do you not forget? What motivates, what influences — when someone chides? Or when someone encourages?

Thematically, I think I’m onto something with that story… Oh, and sure, I have an opinion on this matter. I know which sort of role model I most respond to, without a doubt. May not be for everyone, but I know what works for me.

I can’t help but think about my Potter — his hands both firm and utilizing finesse, taking such care with my little ol’ lump of clay. Sometimes he has to pound on me a little, make sure I remember who’s in control. He’s got the designs on my life and he’s gonna guide me into the shape he wants and needs me to be in. He’s my Maker.

Role model? Well, that’s Jesus, baby. When Jesus takes the wheel, he’s gentle and encouraging and patient. Like his Father, he is capable and all-powerful, he’s got my best interests at heart, and he knows me — what I long for, what I need, what I fear, what motivates me, what I respond to, and what I can become. He takes me as I am — lump, basic bowl, workmanlike clay jar, finely chiseled work of art — and he says Come on, come with me, let’s do some good!

As I finished my devo time this morning, I turned to a fresh page in my journal and I wrote “FUTURE” on the first line. Then I wrote. I wrote and wrote, moving my pen with wild, uninhibited abandon until the page was full. (I highly recommend this little exercise, by the way… it’s freeing and inspirational and thought-provoking. Grab a pen!!) I just re-read my page. Holy cow, there’s some wild stuff on there!! Some BIG stuff! Well, not ‘stuff’, per se — but BIG aspirations, BIG experiences, BIG accomplishments, BIG dreams. I painted quite the picture. Nuts? Maybe. Such is my way. Hey, I may forever be a simple little jar of clay, but I emerged from the hands of the most awesome Potter and I am forever tapped into the greatest Power Source. Potential? Oh, trust me — I know have everything I need. My prayer today and always is to remain faithful to God, to rely on him for his guidance, such that He will continue to shape me and help me utilize the potential he’s given me.

I leave you with this…. I love taking a word and searching for images of it. I did that with POTENTIAL today. My favorite picture? Here you go:

2012 song #2 – “Will You Wait For Me”

jonib1226 — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:32:26 +0000

A few weeks ago, as I prepped for the January 6th gig, I holed up downstairs to practice with the sound equipment I’d use. I wanted to make sure to find the right balance between voice and guitar on the speaker system. That first day, my audience consisted of .. well, Johnny Boy, my big black cat. He hunkered down under a rocking chair kitty corner across the room, his eyes on me as I played. He never left. Just kept watch .. and gave me a focal point to sing to. That’s my boy! Far cry from Olivia — whenever I pull out the guitar, she runs. And P.J.? She lands somewhere between the two — curious but oblivious.

So I was supposed to be practicing songs on slate to be played at the Donut Whole. I was still toying with the order, but I’d pretty much determined which songs to include in the set. But as I sat down there, I found myself playing a simple little chord progress .. and the next thing I know, I was working on a new song.

One of the cover songs I’d planned on playing — and then consequently forgot, as I thumbed right past it without even realizing, thank you, nerves — was Bruce Springsteen’s “Should I Fall Behind”. This song came into play on Patrick’s and my wedding day nearly 10 years ago now, June 2002. Our wedding wasn’t until early that evening, so we had all day to hang out at the resort up in the mountains near Winthrop, WA. We went for a long, long hike in the woods — gorgeous! We didn’t speak. I mean, we were soooo quiet. Just a beautiful, contemplative, grateful, nervous sort of day. Part of our ceremony later that day was time for each of us to “share” … and Patrick tapped ol’ Bruce when calling to mind and sharing the sentiment of that song. We have several versions of that song, and I think I lean toward the 3/4 time Irish waltz one from the LIVE IN DUBLIN cd. No matter, whenever I hear Bruce sing it, I think of our wedding day .. and get a little teary-eyed:

We said we’d walk together, baby, come what may
That come the twilight, should we lose our way
If as we’re walking, a hand should slip free
I’ll wait for you, and should I fall behind, wait for me

I know that day and that song was in my head .. and in my heart .. as I toyed around with this new song. It came pouring out. Worked on it the next day and finished it the day after that, added it to the set list .. and then played it, for the first time, that Friday night without Patrick hearing it beforehand. I wanted it to be a surprise. A gift. I don’t have much, but I can give the gift of a song once in a while and I wanted to give him this one. I could only watch him for a while as I played. I knew I’d struck oil in the moistening of his eyes and had to look elsewhere for fear of losing it myself.

Anyway, here’s this … I hope you enjoy it.

the mp3: Will You Wait For Me

WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME
(J. Brainerd © 2012)

WITH LITTLE LEFT TO LOSE
AND AN ACHING IN MY BONES
I WANTED YOU TO CHOOSE
AND NOT TO WALK ALONE, MY FRIEND…

WITH A LOVE I COULD NOT HIDE
MY HEART BECAME YOUR HOME
I WELCOMED YOU INSIDE
BUT YOU STRUCK OUT ON YOUR OWN ONCE MORE
WOULD YOU OPEN WIDE YOUR DOOR

CHORUS:
ARE YOU WAITING THERE, MY FRIEND
I’M SORRY I’M SO SLOW
WILL YOU BE THERE IN THE END
AND SHOW ME WHERE TO GO
TO WHERE I’M MEANT TO BE
WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME…

THERE’S A MOUNTAIN UP AHEAD
BEGGING US TO STAY
I WILL NOT SOON FORGET
WE FINALLY FOUND OUR WAY, MY FRIEND…

IN THE STILLNESS OF THE WOOD
WAS A DAYLONG WAIT FOR TWO
THE TIME WE TOOK WAS GOOD
FOR IT BROUGHT US TO MY FAVORITE VIEW
WHERE WE’D FINALLY SAY ‘I DO’—

CHORUS

I’LL LOVE YOU ALL MY LIFE
THERE’S NO DENYING THIS
WHEN YOU TOOK ME FOR YOUR WIFE
WE SEALED FATE WITH A KISS, MY FRIEND
WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME
WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME

TO THE OCEAN, LET US GO
I WANT FOR YOU TO SEE
HOW THE WAVES WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY
YOU DO THAT EVERY DAY FOR ME—

ARE YOU WAITING THERE, MY FRIEND
I’M SORRY I’M SO SLOW
PLEASE BE THERE IN THE END
AND SHOW ME WHERE TO GO—
YOU’RE WHERE I’M MEANT TO BE…
WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME
WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME

Not knowing is our fear .. and our growth…

jonib1226 — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:17:25 +0000

Chapter 12 in John Ortberg’s book “When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box” is called ‘Roll the Dice’. On page 146, the final page of this chapter, he writes about this phenomenon which is similar to ‘which came first: the chicken or the egg’. He writes about how we’d all like to be people of faith … but we sort of would rather like to see some guarantees up front. His illustration, in considering how faith really works the other way around — the way in which proof and knowledge and guarantees follow faith, not precede it — is the story of God parting the waters of the river Jordan. Did God part them while the Israelites stood on shore? No. Did he prove to them he could do this first .. before they went down the banks and into the river? No. The deal — and it’s always God’s deal, I guess is part of the point of all this — the deal was they first had to step foot into the river .. and then he parted the waters. They had to have faith first. Faith first. Then proof. Then answers, then deliverance, guarantees, known outcomes.

Believe. Then achieve.

Ortberg writes:

“It is the very fact that the outcome is unknown that gives courage and hope and daring meaning. If the outcome were always known ahead of time, there would be no point in playing the game. Not knowing is our fear, and our growth.”

Reading this chapter this morning prompted me to read again the story of Gideon and the Midianites. One of my favorites. You’ll find it in Judges 6 and 7. Gideon never ceases to make me laugh — he’s such a normal Joe .. and a bit wimpy in his own mind .. and yet, he’s really ballsy around God. God tapped little ol’ Gideon on the shoulder and asked him to do something scary. Like HUGE scary. Take down the Midianites. Yeah, right — they’re tough, full of fight, resilient. Gideon? Lead the charge? Um, he was a farmer. Not that farmers aren’t tough and full of fight and resilient, but Gideon didn’t necessarily see any of these things in himself. So when the angel of the Lord tapped Gideon and called him a “mighty warrior”, you know the first word out of Gideon’s mouth?

“But–”

Seriously. God taps you and you say “But”???

Gideon flapped about with excuses and a bit of back-talk. Then came this:

Judges 6:14 (NIV1984)¹⁴ The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

I love this! Go in the strength you have. God himself is sending you…

Know what Gideon said next? You got it — another “But–”

Seriously, dude? More whining?? This is the Lord you’re talking to. Next:

Judges 6:16(NIV1984)¹⁶ The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”

If you ever have a day — or a mere moment — when you question whether or not God is gonna remain patient with you .. go read the story of Gideon. This guy — this normal Joe farmer dude with a penchant for whining and excuses — could not shirk God. He tried. He asked for signs and he threw down challenges so God would show him miracles. So what did God do? He gave signs and miracles! Very apparent Gideon was not getting out of this ‘lead Israel’s army’ thing.

Oh, and this army of Gideon’s? Started out huge — like 32,000! Know how many God actually allowed Gideon to take forth against the Midianites? Ready? 300. The Big Guy likes to stack the deck, doesn’t He? Know why? Because when those measly 300 dudes defeated the Midianites, God wanted the credit! He deserved the credit! There is so much we cannot do alone … but with God’s help and favor and encouragement and bolstered strength, we can do nearly anything. If we show up with what we’ve got — “go in the strength you have” — if we show courage and do not fear, if we have faith in God’s promises and in his ability to have our backs, if we believe……

Can ya tell I love this chapter in Ortberg? Oh, man……. If you buy or borrow this book — and I hope you do — read the whole thing! But if you read only one chapter, read chapter 12. (Beyond the nod at Gideon, there’s a great story about the dude who had too poor of eyesight to ever become an air force pilot .. so he strapped helium balloons to his lawn chair and went for a little ride. Stitches — I was in stitches!)

Ortberg’s chapter is all about “calling”. God calling us to do something. And about our reactions. Do we, like Gideon, have the nerve to toss about whines and excuses? Do we, like Jonah, turn tail and run in the complete opposite direction? Do we, like Moses, react by calling attention to our feelings of inadequacy? Hey, here’s the deal, folks — we are inadequate! We’re hesitant, we’re fearful, we have doubts about our abilities, we often lack confidence and courage, we make excuses, we procrastinate, we do other stuff instead of what we’re called to do, we tend to prefer to not be faced with challenges .. rather than seeking them. Eegads!

Ah, don’t be too hard on yourself if you fall into any of these camps. These trails have long been blazed many times before you pulled on your hiking shoes. A gazillion others before you have struck out and gone back to take a seat on the pine long before God called you up to the plate! Bigger, stronger, greater others have said “No” or “But–” to God many times before you. Of course, now is as good a time as any to think about how you want to answer when God does tap you on the shoulder, when he calls you a “mighty warrior”, when he throws down what feels like some insurmountable challenge—– how will you react? What will your answer be?

All of this study this morning made me think of a friend who recently shared something with me. This friend — so it seems to me — is chomping at the bit to say “Yes!!” to God. But he’s not feeling God’s tap. He’s not hearing God’s call. Sounds to me like he’s keeping a keen eye out for signs or messages or arrows scratched in the sand .. but he’s not seeing anything. He’s ready to go — such is his nature anyway — but doesn’t know where or even in which direction.

As I thought about him this morning and as I read Gideon’s story again, I got to thinking — maybe God’s touch upon us sometimes is more of a brush of a fingertip than a firm tap. Maybe God’s call is more of a whisper .. or even an inaudible stirring inside. We’re waiting for him to part the waters … he’s waiting for us to jump in the river. Maybe instead of providing us with lines or arrows scratched in the sand, God’s merely tossing us on the beach, leading with a sense of something, of somewhere. Maybe the point is not to know where to go once we reach the beach .. but that going to the beach is the first call. Getting us where he wants us to go. God finds us where we are. I think we miss this sometimes. As if God’s calling for us has nothing to do with what we’re already doing. I do believe that’s where we trip up sometimes. We’re looking for answers out of the blue, signposts sticking out of the sand or forming words amongst clouds in the sky or hanging from tree branches like neon pink flags on an organized trail running race.

All too often, we say we don’t know God’s calling for us. Or maybe we’re fearful we’ve missed something. Or we worry about how long we’ll have to wait until God taps us to serve him. We want to grow in God so badly, we may not realize he’s already got us working for him. Somehow. It’s not always clear. Life’s more mud than crystal!

What’s the possibility that God’s already using you? In the midst of your present condition, your present obedience, your current vocation or your overarching passions — what if what you’re already immersed in is where God wants you to be? What if something in what you’re already doing is what God has planned for you? What if God is already using and expanding upon what he’s already built into you? What if you’re so busy looking for guidance, you’ve missed the fact God has already set you on a path? Maybe it’s just early in the journey .. and maybe the path isn’t as distinct or as well-marked as you’d like. But if you knew everything, if there were no unknowns, no challenges, no questions, no risks, no fears — would we even rely on God? Would we grow in our faith in him?

I don’t have the answers. Just questions. I toss questions up all the time. I’m thankful — much like Gideon — God is patient with me. Lord knows I’m a procrastinator and I battle with feelings of doubt and inadequacy all the time. His plan for me? Murky at best. But he’s instilled enough confidence and enough passion in me to feel like I’m in the ballpark. And every day he allows me to go forth in my own strength — and then bolster me with whatever else I need from his own storehouse of mighty supplies – I trust my path and my calling will become clearer and clearer. I pray each day I don’t fuss about too much that I miss something. But I believe even if I do, he’ll give me another glimpse.

Believe. Then achieve.

Step into the river. Then the waters will part.

Faith. Then proof.

Prepare for the tap by arming yourself with the confidence to say “Yes!!” when God taps you … even if you’re afraid.

Do what you do — God’s work is in there somewhere already.

Not if .. but how far…

jonib1226 — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:22:28 +0000

Beautifully surrounded… This is what I’ve felt this weekend. Wanna see what I mean? Here’s one such example:

Elizabeth on the left and Zoie on the right, my volunteer assistants for a sing-along song Friday night.

It’s been years since I’ve mounted a stage to play/sing solo, but I got this goal — play in public — checked off early in 2012!

I must admit: it was fun. To look out and seeing so many friendly faces — what a treat!! The audience included folks from my old workplace, friends I’ve met through triathlon, neighbors, and complete strangers — and they were all gracious and welcoming and embracing. There was laughter and there were tears. Joyous voices rang out with enthusiasm. Smiles emerged and were shared with almost reckless abandon. Trust me — my vantage point was the best in the house! Above all, Friday night served as a reminder of the incredible, generous, beautiful people Patrick and I are fortunate enough to have in our lives.

See what I mean by surrounded?

Yeah … without a doubt.

Before the gig, a friend gave me an awesome plaque which I set nearby to be seen while I played. It reads:

“Until you spread your wings, you will have no idea how far you can fly.”

It doesn’t say If … it says how far. How cool is that?!? Transcends a lot in our lives, doesn’t it?

A year ago, I was nudged out onto a ledge. I didn’t exactly go kicking and screaming .. but I went with a bitterness which I carried around for much of the year. But 2012 is a new year, baby! I’ve let it go. I’ve let a lot of things go .. and feel better for it. I guess it’s fitting that a year later, I strapped on some wings and stepped off the ledge. Not so scary. Not when you’re surrounded anyway!

But this feeling didn’t just overwhelm me Friday night. It do so again Saturday evening. In my living room were 14 beautiful, amazing women who absolutely blew me away. And I’ll say this — there wasn’t any IF in that room … only HOW FAR. And a lot of:”I will _____!!” The energy and inspiration was electric!! Empowering!!

As I thought about the preceding 24 hours come Sunday morning, I was drawn to this passage from Luke:

Luke 8:16-18 (NIV1984)¹⁶ “No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. ¹⁷ For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. ¹⁸Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him.”

It felt amazing Friday night to share about what my relationship with the Big Guy has done in my life .. and how songwriting returned to my life shortly after re-accepting Christ. It felt great to share! I guess you could say I let others see the lamp! And Saturday evening was no exception — these women shined! They shared and opened up and told of humble beginnings and do-overs and big goals and aspirations. Many wings were being strapped on, that’s for sure! I, for one, anticipate a lot of soaring in 2012!!

A mere 9 days into this new year, the word RESOLVE has suddenly taken on a whole new meaning for me. It carries more weight, additional meaning, has a firmer foundation. Connections have been made. Offers given. Challenges professed. Tests are looming. Goals beckoning. Races waiting. Friendships forging. Here’s the kicker, folks, when it comes to friendships, both old and new: if you surround others, they’ll surround you. If you put yourself out there, they’ll meet you. If you approach rather than retreat, they will open their arms to you. If you hold nothing back, they’ll show you the world. If you take a chance and let ‘em in on your hopes and dreams and fears, they’ll have your back and they’ll encourage you from here to Kingdom come.

Opportunities to shine? Oh, they are mounting like crazy!!

This morning I finished reading the Dean Karnazes book “RUN!” — awesome way to kick off a year of running!! This guy is a beast! He’s the ultra-marathoner who says: “Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.” Wow. As I finished the book, Dean shares an incredible, wacky, nearly unfathomable goal which he says he’ll kick off in November of this year. Craziness and resolve on ya, Karno!!

One of the chapter-heading quotes in the book is this:

“The only one who can tell you “You can’t” is you. And you don’t have to listen.”
–Nike

Um, yeah. Thinking about Friday night, this made me smile. And thinking about Saturday, made me smile more.

Not if .. but how far.

How are you gonna spread your wings this year??

2012 song #1 — “CHANGE”

jonib1226 — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:54:56 +0000

I started this song Sunday night. A bit more came out last night. And this morning, the rest. It’s definitely a work in progress .. and I can’t imagine this being the final iteration. Not by a long shot. But like any “draft”, it’s at a place where I feel alright halting for a moment to catch my breath, let it simmer, see what I learn after I play it a few more times. And while I’m doing that, I’ll let you have a listen as well. New eyes, new ears .. and all that.

A few things bubbled to the surface for me with this song:

I feel as if I’ve been a far more prolific dreamer and searcher and somebody who ‘kicks around’ on earth than I have been someone who gets things done. I start a lot, finish a fraction. I guess that’s why Jon Acuff’s “FinishYear” beckoned me so. My goals in 2012 are all about “finishing”. Strangely enough, the goal with songwriting is really about “beginning” — taking the first step of working with someone in Nashville who can consult with me on some songs and help me determine how to improve them and ready them to market to artists .. and how to go about that. I’m trying to whittle my catalog to the required 10 songs to send to her. Well, the whittling is part of it; sparing $500 is the other part. Anyway, I hope taking this step will be the beginning of something that will help me believe I can become a finisher of sorts. Good grief — did that make any sense??
The past few weeks served up some reminders about certain things .. perhaps things which can change .. should change .. or for which change is sought by one or more parties. Example: Patrick doesn’t like to dance. I do, he doesn’t. It’s not a huge thorn, but a thorn nonetheless. Doesn’t poke to the surface very often, but when it does, it’s problematic. And me? I’m notoriously bad about money. Worrying about it is simply not one of my favorite pastimes. Of course, as Scripture reminds me, I won’t be provided the opportunity to handle more until I can prove my ability to handle what I’ve got. Which is .. well, next to nothing at the moment. Not sure how much handling there is to do, but perhaps this is the reason I struggle — because of idiotic thinking like this! Oy. Anyway, that’s one of those things about me which drives my husband nuts. Granted, my shortcoming is of far greater significance than his lack of a desire to dance with his wife, but strangely — this connection about “desired change” was made for me as I wrote this song.
I was reminded of how solo road time has been a treasure trove for me when it comes to building my relationship with the Big Guy. I got to thinking about my last road trip to northern California. About wine country and driving up and down this one highway in search of a particular winery. After a few hours of looking, I gave up and turned the Garmin back on and set it to get me to my next destination, about 3 hours away. The Garmin lady’s voice prompted me to take the first left — a road which would lead me to the mountains I’d need to wind my way through. I turn .. and within 500 yards is the entrance to the winery I’d been searching for!! I will forever remain convinced of God’s hand .. and his wink and smile .. in that crazy day on the road.

Maybe it’s strange I’m quoting Gandhi in this song and not explaining which changes in the world I want to see. But I’m a work in progress .. even at nearly 48 years old now. Maybe I don’t yet know all the changes I want to see and be a part of. What I do know is I’m along for the grand ride that is this life. I hope I have many more years to kick ’round on this bouncing ball and many more hours to set fingers upon strings and write more work-in-progress songs. I maintain hope. All while embracing the biggest hand of fate in my life…

the mp3: Change

A head full of questions and a belly mired in doubt
I know I need to change from the inside out
Don’t wanna fear trouble and worry’s not my aim
There’s a better aim—

On this twisted road, may I find a stretch gone straight
If anyone follows, may I show them the narrow gate
There’s a brave new world to wander if you take the chance
You wanna take the chance—

Little did I know when I stepped aside
Already he was working on my heart inside
Took so long to know all I’d been given…
Crazy now to think all he does for me
I embrace what I cannot see
The biggest hand of fate in this life I’m livin’—

CHORUS:
I’ve spent all my life kickin’ ‘round this bouncing ball
I’ve done a whole lot of dreaming and searching, boy,
But that ain’t all—
I’ve got a dollar in my wallet and a pocket full of change
I’m gonna change—

Rollin’ through the mountains near the California coast
Talkin’ ‘bout the Son with the Father and the Holy Ghost
In my wayward praying is a glimmer full of hope
Gotta hold on Hope—

Time and time again, when he comes for me
I marvel at the power and the mystery
A little life like mine – does it even matter…
I feel him smilin’ ‘round my next left turn
Waitin’ in the wings when I’m on slow burn
The ashes of my burdens left to scatter—

CHORUS

Be the change you want to see
Be the change you want to see .. in this world

Be the change…

jonib1226 — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:54:19 +0000

Do you ever find it strange how things just sort of pop into your head? Like songs, for example. I have this bizarre reoccurrence where every once in a blue moon I bust out singing “Yellow Submarine” for no apparent reason. It’s one thing if there’s a stimulant of some sort – catching a snippet from an open window of a passing car whether you realize it or not and subliminally, it sticks. Songs, people, old TV shows — sort of all works the same and it’s kind of fun to scratch your head and attempt to figure out why something came to you in the first place.

Other times, the stimulant is right in front of you, plain as day. I sat down the other night to work on songs already in process and wouldn’t you know, another new one began pushing its way to the forefront. I know better than to play defense — I just stepped aside and let it drive toward the hoop. When I got to what is becoming the chorus, it went like this:

I’ve spent all my life kickin’ ’round this bouncing ball…
I’ve done a whole lot of dreaming and searching, boy, but that ain’t all…
I’ve got a dollar in my wallet and a pocket full of change…
I’m gonna change…

And the next thing you know, there came this little add-on:

Be the change you wanna see
Be the change you wanna see in this world…

One word — CHANGE — was the stimulant. The Gandhi quote was the emerging gem .. and this became the stimulant for my Sanctuary time this morning. I looked up passages with the word change and I looked up study Bible notes which were about change. More gems emerged. It’s funny how you can read something — well, at least it’s this way for me — you can read something forty times over but on the forty-first time, something catches. I’ve spent a lot of time in Romans. But some lights popped on this morning.

Romans 12:1-2 The Message (MSG)

^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

It’s funny because last night, some lyrics which spewed forth included:

I’ve got a heart full of passion and a belly mired in doubt
I need to be changed completely from the inside out
I don’t want to fear trouble and worry’s not my aim
There’s a better aim–

This morning I read this passage in Romans. Aptly timed, yes?

Just yesterday, as Patrick and I were out walking, we talked about this and that, and I was reminded of a few situations from last year which I told him I really don’t want to carry into 2012. I allowed myself to have time, energy, emotion consumed by those things last year, and I need to be done. Of course, he urged me to remember I need to learn from them and apply that learning to situations in my present and future. Well, yeah, that’s great and I understand its importance … but I said: “But how do I have a takeaway of knowledge when I didn’t understand those situations in the first place?” I spent so much of last year bogged in attempting to understand and I came up short. So while I have a few takeaways in some regards, ‘knowledge’ and ‘understanding’ of those things are not amongst them.

In that discussion, I acknowledged my longing for change. Not that I ever want to be aloof, but my biggest realization is how precious time is … and I no longer want to be of that ilk where I allow myself to be so deliriously and detrimentally bogged down trying to sort through something or figure something out that I lose sight of the truly important things.

I’m no fool, though. I know I’m not powerful enough on my own to succeed in this. And that’s where Paul’s letter to the Romans stepped in and ‘had my back’ this morning. This reading helped me admit how easy it is to call upon God in quiet times, in reverent times, in desperate or despondent times, when I’m immersing in the Word, when I’m in search of some guidance … but I shouldn’t place limitations on when I call Him. Everyday, ordinary life. Place it before God. Really? Huh. And how about this gem: Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. No kidding.

Speaking of getting bogged down, read the rest of the Romans passage again. Don’t we all get bogged down too easily sometimes in this world’s expectations of us, in its advertising, its technology, its value systems, its busyness, its greed, its politics, its hierarchy, its social agenda, its focus on what we should aspire to look like and what we should wear and eat and drive. Craziness! Where we should be focusing is on our insides — our hearts. Yep — easier said than done, isn’t it?? And hey, I’m as caught up as the next person — a lot of my focus right now is on my current state of belly fat and how I can rid myself of it! Hey, talk about bonkers — I even went to a Zumba class last night! How wild is that? Gotta admit, though — it was a blast. I’m sure I looked absolutely ridiculous and uncoordinated and out of step .. but I didn’t care.

As I concluded my study this morning, I spent some time reading about Gandhi .. and contemplating a few more of his quotes. I’m inspired to read more now and hope to find his autobiography soon. I’ve even busted out my Wichita Public Library card! In one reading, I found this wonderful quote from Martin Luther King, Jr.:

“Christ gave us the goals and Mahatma Gandhi the tactics.”

Well, if that doesn’t make you want to read more about or from this man, here are a few of the Gandhi quotes which got up into my craw this morning:

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

And as for the quote which started this post, when it comes to change — start with you. Could be something small, could be something monumental. Don’t fret thinking you’re unable to change — you are. Don’t worry about going through the changing process alone, because you’re not. You don’t have to. You have the greatest Change Agent on your side and at your access 24/7. There’s nothing impossible or unchangeable in God’s hands.

Be the change…